Yesterday and today should have been very nice days. Husband had the evenings off. We could have got somethings done, had dinner like a "normal" family. But like I said I should stop ever having expectations of how nice things might be, when it concerns Abel. He has a way of knowing when I might be starting to be happy or looking forward to something, and smashing it.
In his defence he has been in a good mood since Christmas, that's almost 2 weeks! And I haven't been really. I just want us to have some time to ...I don't know.....connect. I don't know how that will happen. I can pretend to be happy for everyone else but not him. After all he's the one who made me sad.
Last night I was rather embarrassed I was making bean stew with fresh tomatoes, and chicken. And I put some chicken broth in it. I smelled the broth, and it had no smell. and the more I thought about it the more worried I go that it was bad. So I got the rest out and tried it, and it tasted weird, not rancid, just not like chicken stock. So I was worried, and Abel saw me doing all of this, and I didn't want to say anything because he always thinks the food I make makes him sick anyway. I made this soup for him quick when he got home at 3:00pm because he was super hungry, and I ruined it, and I was upset with myself. We all ate it. I was a little queasy, but I think I was psyching myself out.
The next morning Abel was running out the door with Antonio as usual, and I asked Abel if he wanted coffee, which was a mistake because I didn't have any made. So I poured what was left of the instant in travel mug, and added hotish water, and sent him away with what was apparently terrible coffee. When he was back he was mad, and asked me about something that I didn't really care about. I spend so little time with my husband, I really just hope that he will edit himself. I mean really! We have 5 min. to have a conversation for the day, and you want to tell me why it is a bad idea to sign up for the credit card offer they sent us in the mail? But I am wrong to turn my nose up at any conversation. That's what a marriage/friendship is right? Talking about everything.
Well the coffee ended up on the floor/carpet/cupboards/wall, and we fought in front of Andrew. If the kids weren't right there...
So I cleaned up because that is what I do. Abel was ...God knows...I try not to think about what goes through his head when we have a fight. Uncommunicative as usual. So that was a nice family evening/date night/dinner with friends ruined.
I'm getting tired of lying to my family and telling them that everything is fine. I'm feeling less, and less like we can heal this relationship. I do still want to, but I don't know how that can happen.
Well...now I need new floors, maybe that will cheer me up, but I'm sure Abel will find a way to ruin that for me too.
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