Abel and I've been having trouble lately. We don't see enough of each other. We are never really home at the same time. So we don't know how the other one parents, and how we each run the house. My husband is more of a night person, and I am a morning person. He is able to get a lot of house work done during the evening after the kids are in bed. I usually have a headache, and no energy, or motivation at this point. I guess that is when Abel does most of the house work. I try to do it right after dinner, and lunch, and whenever I can between the kids needing things from me. But after they go to bed. I am done, and I need me time. Abel thinks I am a lousy house wife. I can't cook the things he wants, never when he wants me to anyway. If I'm still up by the time he comes home, I am watching t.v. So he thinks that is all I do, that I am lazy and he lets me know it. I think he is very sophomoric for thinking that a sink full of dishes is really that terrible of a thing, and for also thinking less of me because of it. I love my husband but I can't say I have a lot of respect for someone who believes that yelling at me and insulting me on a weekly basis about how messy the house is, is OK, or helpful ,or motivational, or God only knows why he feels the need to be mad at me all the time.
He wants to know why I hardly ever tell him I love him. Does he really have to ask? Maybe he is afraid of what I would become if he didn't treat me so. I wonder what I would become too if I didn't always have the support of my husband to tell me I am so lazy, and disgusting.
I should give him some credit. He always turns around, is always affectionate again. Sometimes minutes, sometimes days later. His mood is an unpredictable storm here one second then gone, with not a cloud in the sky. I am tired of it. But I've been tired of it for so long I'm almost used to it. I do envy couples who are "soul mates" whatever the hell that is. Mostly I tell myself that is a bunch of romantic crap that dosen't really exsist, but sells well. I know I'm not in the worst situation. I just have to figure out how to weather the storms for the rest of my life. Because if there is one thing I'm sure of, it's that I'll never be a good enough housekeeper, or cook.
"Thank you Lord for teaching us how to make You the center of our marriage. Humble us to grow beyond our ego, pride and past hurts. Help us to establish and grow the love Christ in us to show each other kindness, trust, patience, forgiveness and divine love. Help me Lord to honor the qualities of my mate. Teach me how to pray for my spouse.
Empower me with courage to speak up for anything out of order in our relationship. Soften my tongue and heart where it has become like stone. Strengthen my flesh and self-esteem where it has become weak.
Whenever we lose the gratitude and passion for each other, guide us in ways to relight the candle of passion that can burn out from stress and time. Bless us to not only see, but honor one another. Help us to not only listen, but hear each other. Bless us to not only cherish one another, but nourish each other's dreams and spiritual gifts.
We surrender our marriage and our personal power struggles to You. Teach us to be less controlling and more collaborative in our decisions and problem solving skills. Quicken our minds so we may know how to please, protect and provide for each other. Bless our union to grow stronger, wiser, peaceful and committed. Bring into our circle of friends, examples of healthy committed marriages. Let our children, family and friends see Christ through our example.
Thank you Lord for covering our home with your grace, mercy and favor. Today is a new day that I choose to love, respect and serve my spouse. Give us both the wisdom, patience, love and faith not to give up on each other." ~ written by Jewel Diamond Taylor
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